To ANOTHER MOUNTAINTOP!

And we all went!

funny_bunny: …IN SPIRIT.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Dawwww I lurv Paul!

prettyprophet: So I got together Lavie, Pat, Funny, and myself for this AX post. I guess it’ll be an annual thing. Hey look, who’s these goofs.

Trojan: Yo!

nde: I think I was here for the 2008 post. Didn’t say anything though.

Peking Duck: Wasn’t there an anime expo months ago?

Lavie Rhap: Given its name, this is the Anime Expo.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Capitals!

Peking Duck: Ohhhhh…..so the one Ed ditched Pat for….for like, the past year or something.

prettyprophet: Try years.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I’ll forgive him because he’ll be back with lots of money!

prettyprophet: So Ed, D, Nate, baal, and a bunch of other undesirables went off to Boston last week……and then they’re going to Vegas. They’re due back the end of this month.

Peking Duck: I wanna make some bets. Bet you Ed, Nate, [censored friends] will be cleaned out.

prettyprophet: Ok, how about this: Ed’s going to win some, D’s going to win big, Nate’ll be broke, [censored friends blah blah]. AND baal WON’T get in trouble.

Peking Duck: Are you kidding? Course baal’ll fight someone.

prettyprophet: I said he won’t get in TROUBLE. He’ll fight someone, but he won’t get flak for it.

funny_bunny: Now are you dancing devils done talking? WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO SPEAK OF. Like AX 2009!

Trojan: Yeah! Oh man I wish I could go. When is it?

prettyprophet: …..Just passed.

Kawaii Pattycakes: We’re FINALLY talking about AX? Yay! For this year I convinced Funny to dedicate all stuff to the Rabbits!

funny_bunny: Am I not MERCIFUL?

prettyprophet: So are you going to talk about all this stuff or not?

funny_bunny: I will! BUT THIS SET WILL BE SHORT. Because it’s not here yet!

Lavie Rhap: The Rabbits who were unable to attend AX 2009 would like to extend their deepest thanks to Aerith’s Bitch.

funny_bunny: Who once again braved the bustle and kung fu hustle for the REVOLUTION. Sacrifices were made, suffering commenced, but in the end, Good prevailed!

Kawaii Pattycakes: We had Aerith’s Manslave visit MECHA FETUS because they’re great! Thanks to that, I got a poster!

prettyprophet: I’ll put that as the first image.

Peking Duck: Is that Mao and Kim Jong-Il?

Trojan: Commie…!

prettyprophet: Even Trojan’s calling you out on that. BURN.

Peking Duck: Obviously I’m a commie. So commie, I’m a consumer whore.

funny_bunny: Speaking of consumer whores…….DOUJINSHI!………MECHAFETUS DOUJINSHI! NICE GIRLS NICE CATS.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Hey let’s ask them to do the commission!

prettyprophet: Uh, we just did.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Nooooooooo, Funny you know!

funny_bunny: Bwah.

Kawaii Pattycakes: You know!

funny_bunny: Haaa.

Peking Duck: I’m gonna turn away and watch Black Books.

Trojan: I’ll keep reading this conversation!

Kawaii Pattycakes: It’s the kawaii thing! You know…..’kao’…..MOE.

funny_bunny: OHHHHH YEAH. Ohohohoho! Patty you prickly pineapple, good thinking! BUT MY PLAN GOES FIRST.

prettyprophet: See, after years of hearing/seeing secret plans and half-baked ideas coming from every which way, you learn to ignore it.

Trojan: I try to keep up with it all. Something about someone named Moe.

Kawaii Pattycakes: NO, moe! Mo-EH.

Trojan: That’s not how it’s pronounced!

prettyprophet: Moe.

Trojan: What?

prettyprophet: Nevermind. Funny, move it along.

funny_bunny: MECHAFETUS = GREATNESS.

Kawaii Pattycakes: RADRAPPY!!!!??? OUENDAN!!?!? I WANT YOU GUYS TOO.

Trojan: That’s an awesome game.

Kawaii Pattycakes: The person is awesome!

Trojan: There’s a person?

prettyprophet: He’s been EU03 for like, the past year.

Trojan: Ummm sure! Funny, fill me in!

funny_bunny: Only if you can guess what time it is:

Trojan: 9:40…in the morning? I see light.

prettyprophet: Fuck it, I’ve got a headache; we’re wrapping this post short. Sorry, we just wanted to say me, Pat, and Funny (well, especially Funny) really appreciate Aerith’s Bitch for going there and taking the time to gather stuff, all in the name of the Rabbits…such as this:

Kawaii Pattycakes: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

prettyprophet: Oh yeah, you didn’t know about that.

Trojan: What’s with all the Yosuke? What about the rest of the friends?

funny_bunny: That’s what MOI said. But can you deny the beauty of this?

Trojan: Nah, that’s pretty hot.

funny_bunny: Oh if only you could see the OTHER SIDE.

prettyprophet: Ah, don’t spoil it for them. Speaking of spoiling…..may as well show off the commission, which was based off some old junk.

funny_bunny: BEHOLD!

prettyprophet: Persona, good work.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I can’t find the doujinshi!

funny_bunny: IT’S NOT HERE YET.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Oh! Oh! We’re talking about Persona’s drawing! SOOOOOOO GOOD. What about the other one?

funny_bunny: SILENCE, DO YOU THINK THE BITCH IS MADE OF MONEY?? I am not so cruel to bleed him dry for ANOTHER commission! Do not speak of such things again!

prettyprophet: Says the idiot who breaks people into working on porn.

funny_bunny: But we are all guilty of such gears, AREN’T WE?

prettyprophet: Valkyria was a damn good investment, you know that.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Don’t try to hide your fandom lusts!

prettyprophet: Do I EVER hide them?

funny_bunny: Oh do not fret, oh oracle on the ball. Mayhaps we can have a commission for you NEXT AX? Why, enough of the mayhaps! THERE WILL BE ART.

prettyprophet: And that’s AX 2009. We might have a more detailed post later, when all the haul gets sent over or if the Bitch gets more photos together. Really, we’re all the way over here, Bitch is conveniently over there, so is Mechafetus; we, the Rabbits, got their stuff, end of story. Again, thanks to Aerith’s Bitch and of course, all the gals and guys at Mechafetus.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Next release goes out to you!

prettyprophet: …..No. Not the next one. Trust me.

funny_bunny: It was a delight to do dapper doujinshi business with Mechafetus once more; may our stars criss and cross! ANIME EXPO, NEXT YEAR, WILL THE RABBITS BE THERE SPIRITUALLY AGAIN?

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BOO.

Gaming in hard sex mode.

prettyprophet: We figured since we’ve done enough of these ‘reviews’, ’roundtables’, and whatever, it’s about time for us to tell everyone our basic biases and preferred genres through lists, because, you know, lists REALLY tell you everything you need to know about a person, right? This first one only applies to GAMES though; it’s the only thing all of the Thousand Rabbits are actually interested in together. Yeah, I know, movies, comics, books…but those tend to get pretty specific. Anyways, now you can pick whoever to read and ignore all those other cunts.

Something you should remember though:

Lavie Rhap usually does ‘purchase guides’. Basically she’s just talking about whether or not it’s a good buy.

prettyprophet, aka me, usually does ’roundtables’. I either sit down with a couple of the others and we talk about whatever…..or I just get random thoughts from everyone and stitch a post together from that. Kinda like this one.

funny_bunny usually does…something. Sometimes he’ll do straight-up reviews, sometimes he’ll do nonsensical writings. We have no fucking clue.

…While nde, Pat, Ed and Ink don’t write anything.

Anyways, here:

prettyprophet
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: No clue
Has: Atari, NES, GB, SNES, Genesis, Game Gear, PS1, N64, SS, GBA, DC, PS2, Xbox, DS, PSP, Wii, PS3, PC
Preferred system: DC
Preferred genre: None
Hated genre: None
Platformer: Sonic series (Sonic the Hedgehog 2)
Adventure: Phoenix Wright series (Ace Attorney)
Action-Adventure: Shadow of the Colossus
Fighter: Guilty Gear series (XX: The Midnight Carnival)
Shooter: Panzer Dragoon series (Saga)
Light-gun: House of the Dead series (House of the Dead II)
FPS: Almost anything by Valve (Half-Life 2)
RTS: Starcraft series
TBS: Total War series (Medieval II)
RPG: Baldur’s Gate series (Baldur’s Gate II)
JRPG: Megaten – Main line (Nocturne)
SRPG: Ogre series (Let Us Cling Together)
Scary: Hellnight aka Dark Messiah
MMO: None (default Shin Megami Tensei: Imagine)
Sim: Harvest Moon series (Whatever’s recent, Tree of Tranquility)
Puzzle: Bomberman series (64: The Second Attack)
Rhythm: Audiosurf
Racing: Burnout series (Whatever’s recent)
Sports: Whatever new and decent soccer game comes out
Visual Novel: Crescendo
Co-op: House of the Dead II
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Shoji Meguro (Megaten)
Art: Hyung-tae Kim (War of Genesis, Magna Carta)
Story: Megaten (Nocturne)
Most beloved: Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Starcraft, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

prettyprophet: Sonic 2 was the first co-op game I played, Starcraft is the lifeline of any Asian who plays games, and Megaten, FUCK YES.

nde
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: Indeterminable
Has: Anything Prophet has (owns most of them)
Preferred system: PS2
Preferred genre: None
Hated genre: None
Platformer: Sonic series (Sonic the Hedgehog 2)
Adventure: The Longest Journey
Action-Adventure: ICO
Fighter: Guilty Gear series (XX: The Midnight Carnival)
Shooter: Panzer Dragoon series (Saga)
Light-gun: House of the Dead series (House of the Dead II)
FPS: Breakdown
RTS: Starcraft series
TBS: Romance of the Three Kingdoms series (ROTK XI)
RPG: Baldur’s Gate series (Baldur’s Gate II)
JRPG: Megaten – Main line (Nocturne)
SRPG: Ogre series (Knights of Lodis)
Scary: Hellnight aka Dark Messiah
MMO: None
Sim: Harvest Moon series (A Wonderful Life)
Puzzle: Tetris (GB)
Rhythm: DJ Max series (DJ Max Portable 2)
Racing: Burnout series (Whatever’s recent)
Sports: None
Visual Novel: None
Co-op: House of the Dead II
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Ko Otani (Shadow of the Colossus)
Art: Kazuma Kaneko (Megaten)
Story: Megaten (Nocturne)
Most beloved: Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Starcraft, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

nde: My interests are similar to Prophet’s.

Lavie Rhap
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: Indeterminable
Has: Genesis, GBA, DC, DS, Wii, PC
Preferred system: PC
Preferred genre: Anything with historical background
Hated genre: None
Platformer: Mario series (Super Mario 3)
Adventure: The past glory of Lucasarts
Action-Adventure: Zelda series (Link’s Awakening)
Fighter: The Last Blade series (The Last Blade 2)
Shooter: Karous
Light-gun: Time Crisis series (Time Crisis 2)
FPS: Halo series (Halo)
RTS: C&C (Red Alert 2)
TBS: Total War series (Rome)
RPG: Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura
JRPG: Shadow Hearts series (Shadow Hearts: Covenant)
SRPG: Valkyria Chronicles
Scary: Hellnight aka Dark Messiah
MMO: None
Sim: Harvest Moon series (Friends of Mineral Town)
Puzzle: Brain Age
Rhythm: Guitar Hero series (first one)
Racing: None
Sports: Wii Sports
Visual Novel: None
Co-op: Trauma Center: New Blood
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Yasunori Mitsuda (Chrono Cross, Xenogears)
Art: Range Murata (Spy Fiction, Power Instinct)
Story: Grim Fandango
Most beloved: Grim Fandango, Rome: Total War, Harvest Moon: Friends of Mineral Town

Lavie Rhap: I actually don’t play games all that much; I must admit that my tastes have been somewhat shaped by Prophet, Pat, and nde.

Kawaii Pattycakes
Will play: Anything that’s Asian
Will enjoy: Anything that’s Asian
Has: NES, GB, SNES, GBC, Genesis, PS1, N64, SS, GBA, DC, PS2, GC, DS, PSP, Wii, PS3, PC
Preferred system: Asian ones
Preferred genre: JRPG
Hated genre: RPG
Platformer: Castlevania series (Symphony of the Night)
Adventure: Trace Memory
Action-Adventure: Ys series (Eternal)
Fighter: Super Smash (BRAWL)
Shooter: Rez
Light-gun: Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles
FPS: Dark Messiah aka Hellnight
RTS: GrimGrimoire
TBS: THAT’S THE SAME AS TACTICS…so I’ll say Front Mission!
RPG: NOTHING…Sudeki!
JRPG: Megaten – Persona line (Persona 4)
SRPG: Anything from Nippon Ichi (Disgaea)
Scary: Fatal Frame series (Crimson Butterfly)
MMO: None (default Silkroad)
Sim: Harvest Moon series – Rune Factory line (Rune Factory)
Puzzle: Professor Layton (Curious Village)
Rhythm: DDR (ALL)
Racing: Initial D: Street Stage
Sports: Any Prince of Tennis
Visual Novel: ANY WITH BEAUTIFUL BOYS
Co-op: Super Smash (Brawl)
Co-hate: Super Smash (Brawl)
Music: Hitoshi Sakimoto (FFXII, Valkyria Chronicles)
Art: Shigenori Soejima (Stella Deus, Trauma Center: New Blood, Persona 4)
Story: Megaten (Persona 4)
Most beloved: Ys: I&II Eternal, Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly

Kawaii Pattycakes: I dunno what to say! Games make everything happy!

edthefucker
Will play: Anything
Will enjoy: Nothing
Has: NES, GB, N64, DC, PS2, DS, 360, PS3, PC
Preferred system: PC
Preferred genre: FPS
Hated genre: Most RPGs and JRPGs
Platformer: Contra III
Adventure: None
Action-Adventure: X-Men Legends II
Fighter: Super Smash (N64)
Shooter: Cho Aniki
Light-gun: House of the Dead III (arcade only)
FPS: Quake III
RTS: Starcraft
TBS: Advance Wars (Dual Strike)
RPG: Diablo series (newest)
JRPG: Megaten (but not really)
SRPG: None
Scary: None (they aren’t scary)
MMO: Silkroad
Sim: Cooking Mama
Puzzle: Big Brain Academy
Rhythm: DDR (ALL)
Racing: Cruis’n USA
Sports: Any NBA Street
Visual Novel: Name the most fucked up one you’ve seen
Co-op: Silk
Co-hate: Silk
Music: Silk
Art: Silk
Story: Silk
Most beloved: Silk

edthefucker: Silk, bitches.

Killer Ink
Will play: Stuff that has a distinct visual style
Will enjoy: Things that he can interpret
Has: PS2, PC
Preferred system: None
Preferred genre: ???
Hated genre: Sports
Platformer: Odin Sphere
Adventure: ICO
Action-Adventure: Okami
Fighter: None
Shooter: Ikaruga
Light-gun: None
FPS: killer7
RTS: None
TBS: None
RPG: None
JRPG: Megaten – Main line (Nocturne)
SRPG: None
Scary: The Lost Crown
MMO: None
Sim: Spore
Puzzle: None
Rhythm: Audiosurf
Racing: None
Sports: None
Visual Novel: None
Co-op: None
Co-hate: None
Music: Masafumi Takada (killer7, No More Heroes)
Art: Kazuma Kaneko (Megaten)
Story: ICO
Most beloved: ICO, No More Heroes, Okami

Killer Ink: As long as I want to look at it.

funny_bunny
Will play: Indeterminable
Will enjoy: Indeterminable
Has: Atari, NES, GB, Game Gear, N64, DC, PS2, Xbox, DS, PSP, Wii, PS3, PC
Preferred system: ALL
Preferred genre: ALL
Hated genre: ALL…especially VISUAL NOVELS
Platformer: Metal Slug series (ALL)
Adventure: Sam & Max (Hit the Road)
Action-Adventure: Disaster Report series (first one!)
Fighter: Capcom vs. SNK 2
Shooter: The Super Dimension Fortress Macross: Do You Remember Love?
Light-gun: House of the Dead series (House of the Dead II)
FPS: Oblivion
RTS: Starcraft
TBS: TOTAL WAR
RPG: Planescape: Torment
JRPG: MEGATEN
SRPG: BRING BACK THE SHINING
Scary: Rule of Rose
MMO:Granado Espada
Sim: Persona 4
Puzzle: DJ Max Portable 2
Rhythm: Saints Row 2
Racing: Ridge Racer PSP
Sports: THE IDOLM@STER: Missing Moon
Visual Novel: NEVER
Co-op: Left 4 Dead
Co-hate: BRAWL
Music: Shoji Meguro (MEGATEN)
Art: YOU ASK TOO MUCH [prophet edit: hey, fuck you. Even Pat had to choose.]
Story: Etrian Odyssey II: Heroes of Lagaard
Most beloved: Shin Megami Tensei, Shin Megami Tensei II, Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne

funny_bunny: BE YOUR TRUE GAME.

++++++++

prettyprophet: And that’s us. Course, these lists are prone to change at any given time, so…..yeah, have fun figuring that out.

Images from Be Your True Mind, Hyung-taekim.org, and Google. Sorry about the lack of Western artists; these were just easier to find.

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Porn: Not Funny; ‘Tis Vile #1

prettyprophet: In light of all this brouhaha on rape and porn and all that good stuff, we decided it would be best to make light. And by “we” I mean “me” because……well I don’t feel like waiting half a year for Funny to draw whatever. Besides, this is more than adequate, right?

Kawaii Pattycakes: I want to say stuff but Prophet won’t let me!

prettyprophet: Because you’re a very poor representation of the rational game-playing, anime-watching community. Hell, you’re probably one of the worst.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Smut has not made me a bad person.

prettyprophet: Whenever Pat’s drunk, she tries to rape nde.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Hey!

prettyprophet: Oh, by that I mean she’s not actually drunk but she uses that as an excuse to cop a feel. You fucking predator.

Kawaii Pattycakes: I’d use sad emoticons but you won’t let me do that too.

prettyprophet: Yeah, my fist is pretty iron.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Tentacles! Tentacle yaoi…

prettyprophet: Tentacles.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Why’s this 1000 Rabbits? It was all you!

prettyprophet: Because I asked Funny to do the old man’s dialogue. And the tentacle was Ed.

Kawaii Pattycakes: When are we doing more yaoi……………

prettyprophet: Funny showed me the doujinshi.

Kawaii Pattycakes: IT’S HERE!?!

prettyprophet: Go talk to him. Probably being scanned yo, so you ain’t getting your hands on them yet.

Kawaii Pattycakes: They’re being scanned…….and BENT….BAWWWWW…..

prettyprophet: Scanlation, ugly, sexy business.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Byebye! We’re going out for pho!

prettyprophet: Rabbits bringing you liberty, lunacy, and love.

Sorry kids, get the hell out. Mom is FUCKING PISSED. Featuring Valkyria Chronicles spoilers!

Prophet here. If you’re Valkyria Chronicles fan (and you ALL are, right?) you may have been looking around for Valkyria doujinshi. If you’re a guy Valkyria fan, you may have been looking for Valkyria hentai doujinshi. Probably featuring Ms. Selvaria Bles. Yeah, we pre-empted that shit. Valkyria “Off” the Battlefield, by P-FOREST, Selvaria x Maximilian, presented by the Randy fucking Rabbit. Ok, to be honest, I just asked Pat to find me any Valkyria doujinshi of any kind and this was the first thing she got. I wish we got it out earlier but hey, we were busy.

So we released that. Big deal, we release all sorts of shit all the time; anyone want more “fluid”? Go back a few days. We released this doujinshi. In that post, Peking Duck, who is a “normal” person compared to the rest of us, was confused by my personal stance on pornography. We argued a bit for the sake of the post. What wasn’t included was our argument after.

For the record, I am totally neutral towards it. “Moral decadence”, “think of the children”, blah blah blah…..face it, sex is like any other aspect of life. It’s pretty important but don’t dwell on it, alright? Lonely college student, bored husband, experimenting couples, maybe this can assist in getting your rocks off. People who collect and catalog by actresses/actors/year/genres? That’s creepy; but I can’t even fucking say that because I KNOW people who do that and……ok, SOME of them are fucked up (hey Nate, what’s up?)

But back to Peking Duck. She says to me (in reference to DDT’s Ouverture), “Prophet, why are we bothering with porn? Let’s just go downtown.” I explain that it wasn’t for us, at least not in the sexual gratification sense (well, I’m not going to pry to lives of our Rabbit boys). I didn’t really push for Ouverture since it was already being done when I found out; I encouraged it because I wanted our own scans to be used. But we found understanding in Ouverture since it had Dark Saber dominating the hell out of Shirou. “Ah, your feminist agenda.” says Duck. “Fuck you.” says I. Note: do not call me a feminist because I have no fucking clue what one is. I took a Fem-Lit class once, with nde, who is my brother. He passed with an A. I, a girl, nearly failed with a D. I am still confused about it. Anyways.

“My agenda,” I say to Duck, “is to have stronger women.” Now that’s a very general statement; how are we going to make them stronger? I don’t know, it depends on the situation. Duck asks, “How the hell have you been doing that?” The example I chose was Valkyria “Off” the Battlefield.

To begin with, I pushed for Valkyria because I wanted to be the first group to get a translated Valkyria doujinshi out. That was it. Everything else just happened to work in my favor. It was translated by ak (see his blog that has actual intellectual discussion). Script primarily edited by me, with minor changes here and there by nde. Oh, I should mention that this weirds Duck out so much. I guess that makes sense but it’s not like we care, so whatever.

Now, let’s compare what changed from ak’s script and the final product:

The title is wordplay off the Japanese name for Valkyria: Valkyria of the Battlefield: Gallian Chronicles. Add a ‘f’ to ‘of’ and there you go. I’m not sure if this was thanks to ak or actual English know-how on part of circle P-FOREST. Here, Selvaria’s subtlety (relatively) sexualized. She’s got that sassy back-turn, her breasts have emphasis, hair and clothes caught in the wind, bit of revealed arms, and there’s a sheen to her stockings. But the expression on her face, what is that? That’s disdain. I know that face, I use it all the time. Course, this is a cover and usually doesn’t mean jack.

In the game, Maximilian is a pansy-ass piece of bishie shit. Selvaria is ruthless and obsessed with our good Prince. Note: the story and characters in Valkyria Chronicles are fun and serviceable. Best game of last year? To me it was. Best script of last year? Fuck no. That goes to Persona 4. Anyways, it really doesn’t matter if Selvaria’s a bitch to Maximilian because she’s obviously the most devastating tool of war in the entire game. Why did the Imps lose the war? Because Maximilian had no idea how to use his people and could not discipline his men into not running away when a single scout captures their base. P-FOREST here presents Max as some sort of cocky motherfucker, who knows exactly what Selvaria wants. Selvaria, being a Japanese “creation”, makes one assume, “Oh, it’s going to take a while before she finally admits she wants his cock.” Look at THIS face, compared to the cover. Is this a confident warrior maiden of the battlefield? No. The sfx next to her is “flinch”. Great, another shame-filled sexfest. Nothing in the script was really changed for this page. Let’s see the next.

Selvaria locks the fucking door and just says, “No one’s around.” Max knows what’s going to go down; he’s just sitting there, chillaxing, so I can only assume this is not the first time something like this happened. He’s all being coy but Selvaria, she’s already taking off her clothes. Her next lines, from “I beg you” to “I ask for your penis” are unchanged from ak’s script. I didn’t even have to change anything; she knew what SHE wanted too.

If you haven’t figured out by now, the “sex sfx” doesn’t actually matter to us; it could all be “ah” but whoever’s typesetting just reaches into our sex sfx vault (yeah, it’s real…seriously) and paces the sfx out. Here, Selvaria’s just moaning and shit…….but look at her face. She is fucking happy. Hence the “happy sex” tag we used. I know, it’s a stereotype that all hentai is endless loli rape, but I’ve seen ones that are technically happy sex yet the girl’s either crying or has a face of over-the-top pleasure. Selvaria just looks like she’s enjoying yourself. Good show, P-FOREST.

Ah crap, looks like I have to take some of that back. Max just did the whole “oh, you should be ashamed of yourself” thing. Will this be the end of my pro-sexual-Selvaria? No script changes either.

And the shame continues. “Sorry”, “Not right”, “etc” with Max still talking. Although Max had the dominant position from the beginning, he’s clearly in control by this point since he’s smiling and Selvaria’s got that face of instant shock and pleasure. From what I’ve learned after working on all that porn, that can be the first penetration or the second phase where the fucking gets intensified. There was one change I want to point out here: ak has “Your Highness’ hot thing is inside me”…I have “Your Grace’s hot dick is inside me”. Again, this goes with the shame deal. Fuck that, Selvaria’s plenty capable of saying “dick”. She already said “penis”, she’s not changing it to “thing” now.

Ok, rubbing against the desk, that’s usual. Nothing was changed here. That’s right, NOTHING WAS CHANGED……and Selvaria still cries out, “Do it inside.” But does Max do it? Doesn’t look like it. Do it inside? What the fuck? Does she WANT a bun in the oven?

Yeah, she fucking does. Max realizes this too. And since he is SO bent on this war of his, he’s willing to give her his royal bloodline. Here’s Max’s lines from ak’s original script:

“What’s this, Selvaria? You, a Valkyrian. You, my child, what you desire… If that’s the case then win me this war. For the Empire…for my sake! I’ll give it up to you, Selvaria. Ten times, a hundred times, my semen will be yours.”

Here’s mine:

“Selvaria, what’s this? So that is what you desire? My Valkyrur… If that’s the case…win me this war! For the Empire…for my sake! …and I’ll give it up to you, Selvaria…ten times, a thousand times…my seed will be yours!”

And Sevlaria’s response: “Then please leave it to me…Prince Maximilian, Your Grace.” The ‘then’ was added by me. And there, the end.

This last page pretty much shows my entire agenda. I didn’t have to change much; P-FOREST already took care of a lot of it for me by using just the right images. Is Selvaria a shame-filled cunt in the last frame? Hell no, she’s got a motherfucking devious look. Her expression is clear, she’s smiling, AND there’s that shady tone people often use to signify some sort of sneakiness. What the fuck does Max have? Just his dick and Selvaria’s ideal image of him. He can’t brush her off now. Think about it: Selvaria was born some sort of lowly experiment, saved by a Prince. She becomes a badass beauty on the battlefield, capable of leveling armies on her own. And now, she’s going to be at future Emperor Maximilian’s side and be the mother to the Imperial heir. That’s my prediction on Valkyria Chronicles alternate history.

“Prophet,” Peking Duck says, “Do you REALLY think that people are going to get that?” Sadly no. Most people aren’t going to get it unless it’s totally blatant like in Ouverture. And even then, all this is just used for masturbation material. Now, I will say that P-FOREST probably was aiming for that assertive Selvaria, so with their images and my adjustments to the script, I’m HOPING that more people got that impression of Selvaria than what we give them credit for. Speaking of credits, I may as well include it.

This is how I ended up vetoing for the “Selvaria x Maximilian” concept, not the other way around. Does this go against my own personal hatred against non-canon fan-fantasy pairings? Pat thinks it does, but I disagree. Selvaria and Max’s relationship was always simple to me. The ONLY power Max has over her is love. And that’s a fucking damning power. Whoever loves least, right? That’s it. However, that takes only “love” into consideration. Love isn’t just “love”; that’s bullshit. There’s always more “wants”. Max probably doesn’t “love” Selvaria; but he wants and needs her to do ANYTHING. Selvaria just needs “love”…but there is so much more she can take from him. Naturally, we’ll never know what she can take. So this works as canon fan-fantasy. If it was something like “Selvaria orders her shocktroopers to gangrape Faldio until she finally gores his ass with her charged up lance” then I have no argument on that. But this is Selvaria and Maximilian, at the beginning of the Gallian campaign, subtlety playing with the idea of control.

At first I was also going to use this rant to get into faithfulness to scripts……but fuck that, I wrote way too much already. I’ll save it for another time.

Author:
prettyprophet is a hot-tempered hellion who scans, proofreads, edits, and does public relations for the Rabbits but won’t fund it at all out of stubborn principle. When not being harried by the scanlation scene, she gets involved with other scenes, harrying herself even further.

DEATH TO GUNDAM.

funny_bunny: Hey hey, everyone! It’s Chief Funbuns!

prettyprophet: And the Prophet.

Lavie Rhap: And I, Lavie.

funny_bunny: Lavie’s a PROTECTOR.

prettyprophet: Ok, so we were talking today about CLASS OF HEROES. I’m really looking forward to this, even though I didn’t care for Etrian all too much.

Lavie Rhap: Is it because of the school setting?

prettyprophet: Exactly, it IS because of the school setting.

funny_bunny: So! In our GLORIOUS ARROGANCE…we felt that since we, the Thousand Rabbits, always place ourselves in such games…OUR READERS SHOULD LEARN HOW TO MAKE US!

prettyprophet: Hell yes, we are just that narcissistic!

Lavie Rhap: It’s actually somewhat of a strange phenomenon.

funny_bunny: It’s SAME ALPHA WAVELENGTHS.

prettyprophet: Alright, people have no idea what we’re talking about. A few years back, when the first Etrian Odyssey came out, Pat was playing it hardcore. I didn’t give a shit. One day, Funny goes to her, “Oh, you’re playing Etrian. How’s that?” And Pat, she just starts gushing on and on like usual but adds, “Prophet (well, my real name) just took down so and so!” I’m like, “Huh, someone’s got my name? That’s rare.” “Oh no, I put all of you guys in my game! Look, you’re all so kawaii~~^_^”

And that’s that story.

Lavie Rhap: From then on, whenever any of us play games that allow character customization, we try to fit in as many of our friends as possible. Interestingly enough, our choices in classes and characters are nearly identical.

prettyprophet: It’s not THAT surprising since we know how everyone plays. But dear readers, we are going to tell YOU how to make the Thousand Rabbits when Class of Heroes comes out. Well maybe not, since…has anyone taken into account race? Because I just focus on class thanks to Etrian and Disgaea.

Lavie Rhap: We’ll all be exploring new ground together.

funny_bunny: No worries! Etrian will be our template! DIDI DIDI DIDI.

prettyprophet: Giving you two classes per character and predicated race. Note: Pat was the one who got everything done pretty accurately so we’re using her guidelines for this, which was base characters not on usefulness but on closeness to physical appearances and personality. Refer to Etrian Oddity.

nde

Main: Ranger/back-line attacker – something distant
Secondary: Samurai – something stoic from the Orient
Probable Race: Elf – “They prefer softer sounds, as the ancient Elf language is very poetic.”

prophet sez: Pick the most depressed looking character for nde. Withdrawn, inattentive, small, and weak. You’d think Hexer, right? Nah, that’s the creepy class; Nyx got that in Pat’s and I think Funny gave it to holstein in his (funny: NO, HOLSTEIN IS WAR MAGUS).

Prophet

Main: Warrior/front-line fighter – in your FACE
Secondary: Alchemist/back-line attacker – heavy attack, no magic shit
Probable Race: Elf – “They are a highly intelligent and pious race, and thus are well suited for spell-casting majors.”

Lavie sez: Though Pat gave Prophet the Alchemist class in Etrian, that was mainly due to Prophet’s major at the time (Chemistry). Choose an aggressive class that acts as the vanguard. Since her brother would be of the Elf race, she would have to be one as well, though I don’t believe she would like that.

Lavie

Main: PALADIN’S ARE MALE ONLY IN CLASS OF HEROES/front-line defense – TANK
Secondary: Cleric/back-line healer – heel plz
Probable Race: Celestian – “A race with the blood of the heavens.”

Funny sez: Lavie’s supposed to be PROTECTOR OF US ALL and I gave her a Protector figure as a gift and it’s AWESOME. But in Class of Heroes only GUYS can be Paladins and that’s DETRIMENTAL to the FEMININE CAUSE. BOLLOCKS, SAYS I. So she can be Valkyrie instead.

Patty

Main: Thief/Troubadour/some sort of support – She’s a Japanophile
Secondary: Gunner/back-line attacker – She’s a slut
Probable Race: Halfling – “Even after coming of age, a member of this race is only about as tall as a human child.”

prophet sez: Pat loves the most useless classes but in this case, thieves and whatnot will probably be necessary. Just pick the most energetic looking portrait. Why does she get halfling when she’s as tall as I am? Because she’s a goddamn CHILD.

Ed

Main: Doesn’t matter/attacker – ATTACK
Secondary: Doesn’t matter/attacker – ATTACK
Probable Race: Diablon – “Being of demon origin, they tend to be avoided by other races.”

Lavie sez: I feel bad doing Ed’s…(prophet: SHUT UP AND DO IT) Ed’s class does not actually matter…we simply choose the most evil looking class. In Etrian, it was one Dark Hunter that looked quite like him, only with blue instead of red hair. He also dislikes any defense, preferring offensive capabilities all the time.

Ink

Main: Psychicer/back-line magic caster – STOIC
Secondary: Anyone that looks Indian (as in, India) – BRAHMAN
Probable Race: Dwarf – “They are as pious as they are strong, causing many of them to enter priestly fields as well.”

Funny sez: WHY DID PAT GIVE HIM LANDSNECHT? Oh yes, because he was selling his soul at the time, fufufufu! INK, YOU SELLOUT BASTARD. Anyways anyways anyways, a classy class will suit Ink just fine. A little mystic BUT NOT TOO MYSTIQUE. He gets dwarf because that is as dark as Class of Heroes gets! And he’s SHORT.

Funny

Main: Devout/front-back-whatever – crazy classes
Secondary: Any sort of healing thing – Funny loves healing, the freak
Probable Race: Sprites – “They are also small, but some theories suggest they use illusions to make them appear so.”

prophet sez: Ah, the medic. Funny had Pat remake her medic into the lolipop one and name it after him (Pat already made him the male medic). But for Class of Heroes, who knows, Lavie’ll probably take the healer slot if Paladins are out. Just pick someone who’s like a sprite. You know, someone from the SPRITE race.

++++++++

prettyprophet: I have my own classes already set for a bunch of friends:

Mori = Wizard, Erdgeist
Nyx = Evoker, Diablon
Peking Duck = Kunoichi, Felpier
trev = Monk, Drake
Trojan = Samurai, Human
Whopper = Paladin, Drake
Emily = Ninja, Felpier

funny_bunny: Here’s mine! BUT NOT ALL.

Honey = Wizard, Celestian
holstein = Monk, Diablon
-_- = Evoker, Human
7672359440 = Samurai, Felpier
Aerith’s Bitch = Alchemist, Halfling
Barbarossa = Paladin, Celestian

Lavie Rhap: I don’t have a PSP so…I sadly will not be able to join in the school of heroic deeds.

prettyprophet: Man, I gotta write about why I love school-based games one day.

funny_bunny: DO IT NOW.

prettyprophet: Fuck off, I’m playing some ROTK XI.

funny_bunny: SO! Games the Rabbits can be lovingly placed into: Nippon Ichi stuff like Disgaea! Etrian Odyssey! Romance of the Three Kingdoms! Soul Calibur IV! Sins of a Solar Empire! Old skool RPGS! CLASS OF HEROES.

Lavie Rhap: Games that allow customization but has canon names don’t count.

prettyprophet: Yeah, like I can name everyone in FF7 “Cunt” but we all know Cloud’s name is Cloud. Cloud Strife. Because it’s the opposite of Zack. Zack Fair.

Lavie Rhap: You’ll never get over that, will you?

prettyprophet: No. I can honestly say that I am totally 100% positive that the sheer fucking stupidness of the reasoning behind those names CANNOT be defended by the fanbase.

funny_bunny: EASY EASY PROPHET, surely we can forgive Final Fantasy when we have such wonderful things like the love between Squall Leonhart and Rinoa Heartilly!

prettyprophet: Funny…you just HAD to put their last names in.

funny_bunny: CLASS OF 2009!

Lavie Rhap: Heroes, created by Tim Kring.

prettyprophet: Save the cheerleader, save the PSP.

VALKYRIA DLC ATTACKS.

prettyprophet: It fucking rocks. If you have Valkyria, get it. If you don’t, get a PS3, get Valkyria, then download it.

nde: They should probably beat it first.

prettyprophet: Yeah, probably. So I’ve got a final tomorrow…fuck that, I played Selvaria’s AND Edy’s DLC. They’re both awesome. I know, $5, that’s a little steep…but it’s Valkyria. And if this encourages Sega to make more (SKIES OF MOTHERFUCKING ARCADIA), I’m gonna toss ‘em bones. SHUT IT YOU CUNTS, I did study, I’ll be fine, SHUT IT FUNNY, KEEP CLEANING ACONY, YOU’RE DONE, YOU DON’T HAVE ANY EXCUSES.

nde: I bought the Edy Detachment DLC. Prophet bought Selvaria’s.

prettyprophet: I was iffy on Edy since it’s only one map compared to Selvaria’s…maps. I don’t want to spoil anything, so whatever. Anyways, nde wanted to chip in on VC stuff since I was the one who paid for the whole game; I was going to buy Selvaria regardless. You get a MG if you A-rank all of her’s…nothing if you A-rank Edy.

nde: For Edy, different endings for different ranks.

prettyprophet: Technically both DLC’s are fanservice filled…but Edy’s is total fanservice. I’m not talking upskirt shit; just clean fun. So if you like Edy (minor spoilers), Homer, Lynn, Susie, Jann, and Marina, you’ll love this DLC. Homer and Marina. They’re great. Jann? Japanese makeup-wearing bears? Little too obvious.

nde: Homer has subtlety, then?

prettyprophet: Hold up, I can’t believe we haven’t talked about this yet: Rabbits in Valkyria, who would we be? Actually fuck that, we could just be ourselves.

nde: No, Lavie talked about this.

prettyprophet: When the hell was that?

nde: Some time ago.

prettyprophet: We need to get Funny to draw some shit. Too bad it’ll suck. [funny edit: nonsense, IT'LL BE FANTASTIC. I can be Hans!]

nde: He’s busy working on this thing.

prettyprophet: Usagiten?

nde: This other thing.

prettyprophet: Oh god. Ok, let’s talk about the Edy scenario itself. Basically your squad of six is on its own and you have to defend a town. Simple as that.

nde: If any enemy enters your base area, you lose.

prettyprophet: No retreat, no redeploy, no medics, no orders. Just what you got.

nde: I think default equipment and levels are transferred over from the main game.

prettyprophet: Yeah, I think so too, since I tried to give Lynn the badass machinegun but it didn’t work. What we mean by default is whatever your levels are as of playing the DLC. Like, we’d cleared the game twice over, so we’re maxed out…Edy’s DLC wasn’t as challenging as it may be for others thanks to that. Then again, I watched nde B-rank it first, so I figured out how to A-rank on my turn.

nde: As for Selvaria’s…

prettyprophet: I used a guide for the second map. I was like, “Fuck, I’ll just A-rank it first, get the machinegun.”

nde: Somewhat somber. Melancholy.

prettyprophet: Hey, not with that one scene. Huh, wink, nudge?

nde: Hm?

prettyprophet: Don’t tell me you missed that.

nde: Missed what?

prettyprophet: I’ll show you later. If you’re a Selvaria fan, download this. I kinda am; the whole “oh I love you Max but I know you’re just using me” is meh but fuck that, she’s awesome. Really wish her boobs weren’t designed for horndogs. And for our readers, nde just gave me one of his “you-have-no-idea-what-the-fuck-I’m-thinking” looks because he thinks I’m about to go off on Valkyria’s female character designs. I’m not. They’re very fucking impractical. That’s all I’m gonna say. That’s all I have to say. Kid, shut the fuck up.

nde: I haven’t played “Behind Her Blue Flame” yet. I watched.

prettyprophet: Think you’ll A-rank?

nde: Maybe. Usually the easiest. But tactically unsound.

prettyprophet: And how. So that’s nde and Prophet, giving you impressions on two of Valkyria Chronicles’s DLC packs: “Enter the Edy Detachment” and “Behind Her Blue Flame”. Didn’t get the Hard-EX mode because we haven’t even touched the hard skirmishes yet. I guess I’ll get to that after I finish Absence of Justice.

nde: Maybe when it drops in price.

prettyprophet: They cost $5 a pack. Selvaria’s is definitely worth it since it’s more than one map and gives you a gun and further characterization…Hard-EX (or Hard-SEX as Funny loves to call it) we don’t know about, maybe Funny or Pat bought it [funny edit: NAW SON......Pat's not getting it either because she suxxx at Valkyria! SUCKS FALDIO'S PENIS!] but since it changes up your tactics completely and gives you new weapons to use, it’s got the most literal bang for your buck…and Edy, get only if you like those soldiers involved. Otherwise, pray that Sega decides to make more DLC with people you DO like.

nde: That probably depends on how many people buy the DLC though. Sadly.

prettyprophet: What are you complaining about? You got Susie and Marina. Don’t try to hide your lust.

nde: Homer?

prettyprophet: I’d do him. But that’d be statutory rape. And he’d love it. Seriously though, Aika and Vyse. Let’s get those Skies of Arcadia kids in and maybe Sega’ll give us more rocked out RPGs like Nintendo did with Fire Emblem (even though I hate Roy, Marth, and Ike).

nde: I’m going to sleep.

prettyprophet: And I’M going to listen to Olivia’s latest single, “Sailing Free”, play more Valkyria, and whip Funny into cleaning.

nde: I think he’s playing VC as well.

prettyprophet: Vietcong, The Other Side, Love Love Love, close your eyes, we’re all under the same sky, you have me, whoever you are, I…love you…

nde: Not studying anymore?

prettyprophet: Hush.

Images from some MU link of the preorder artbook. Hey, send us Valkyria doujinshi. Seriously.

“What’s Hecuba to him, or he to Hecuba,
That he should weep for her? What would he do,
Had he the motive and the cue for passion
That I have? He would drown the stage with tears
And cleave the general ear with horrid speech,
Make mad the guilty and appal the free,
Confound the ignorant, and amaze indeed
The very faculties of eyes and ears.”

Rebirth of the Rabbit: Symphony for the Devil Issue #0002 – A Serpent Stung Me

funny_bunny: It’s fun finals time! That means it’s fun drawing time for me! But no one else is around because they’re all study or not even in town! SOME ARE VERY VERY RESPONSIBLE AND SOME ARE VERY VERY BAD. But nde is here!

nde: Yeah.

funny_bunny: nde, are you sad that you have not made your appearance in megaten doujinshi yet?

nde: No. Prophet will figure something out.

funny_bunny: YOU won’t figure something out?

nde: You know I can’t write comedy.

funny_bunny: And you think ye wee sibling can?? YOU THINK I CAN? UNBELIEVABLE. Oh oh, so PP was the thinker behind this! Wait! Read ze comic before this point! No panel-panel-panel-panel breakdowns, just straight up chat-chit! Ok, MAU!

nde: Everyone wanted the summoner to be killed off early so all the demons could do anything they wanted.

funny_bunny: BUT HOW TO KILL?

nde: Then Prophet saw a bag of White Rabbit Candy that wasn’t thrown out yet. So that was that.

funny_bunny: OBJECTION, cameo! That was for Aerith’s Bitch, you rascal!

nde: I guess this one was self-explanatory.

funny_bunny: No REAL in-jokes here! Was SUPPOSED to be done AEONS ago. But I had to carefully hone my art to the point of perfection, as you may see here.

nde: I think people forgot about the contamination scandal by now.

funny_bunny: YOU didn’t forget. MOI didn’t forget!

nde: That’s true.

funny_bunny: Usagiten! Melamine! Style from TOTAN KOBAKO! SKETCHBOOK!

nde: Maybe this and other projects will be worked on soon.

funny_bunny: NAAHHHHH. Too busy with SEXUAL HARASSMENT OF INKY.

“Heartbeat, Heartbeat, it keeps on pounding
Heartbreak, Heartbreak, you tell me goodbye
Heartbeat, Heartbeat, it keeps on pounding
Heartbreak, Heartbreak, you tell me goodbye”

We need some more girl protagonists, yo. MASSIVE SPOILERS INSIDE.

Wassup kids, it’s Prophet and I am here to finally give you our thoughts on Persona 4. “Whoa, you guys are fucking late to the party. Half-assed Megaten fans you are.” First of all, fuck you. As Ed says, “Any Megaten fan that likes Persona is a fake bitch.” Therefore, none of us are really Megaten fans at all. Second of all, fuck Ed. The only reason it’s taken this long for us (as in, me) to write anything is because we never would have written anything. What can we say? It’s Persona 4, it’s better than Persona 3 in…lots of levels, and I hope the next Megaten they’re doing is part of the core series.

However, because I’m trying to avoid work (both school and Rabbit stuff) I’m going to personally write up some things. Expect random bits of input from random bits of Rabbits (the ones that cleared the game, that is). If for some reason the MASSIVE SPOILERS/TRUE ENDING tag hasn’t scared you off and you haven’t beat P4 yet…GET THE FUCK OUT.

They’re gone? Alright, let’s set this off:

Love. That’s what we’re going to talk about. To be precise…TRUE LOVE. As in, TRUE PAIRINGS. I know, this is kinda obsessive, this thing we have…but pairing people up is just NECESSARY. Don’t ask why. But I’m not talking bullshit fan-fantasy pairings, like Koromaru and what’s-her-face-teacher-Hermit-arcana. I’m talking actual “this is how it may as well be” ones. P3 was more rigid in this: obviously it was Yukari the Protagonist was supposed to go for; yeah, yeah, everyone fell in love with Mitsuru and Aigis but canon-wise, it’s clearly Yukari. P4? Not so much…which is A LOT more fan-fantasy friendly and leaves it to your imagination. That said, I felt P4 was weaker on terms of “let’s have a happy couple relationship” not because the Protagonist didn’t click with X girl…but because there was someone BETTER for her to be with. Sidenote: we’re ignoring most of the secondary characters for sake of focusing on the main ones. Anyways, we’re going to get back to me and start off with nde:

nde’s Perspective

Hetero
Chie and Yosuke: They meshed well.
Yukiko and Teddie: He’ll be taken care of.
Naoto and Kanji: Fitting.
Rise and Protagonist: I ended up choosing this path.

Homo
Teddie and Protagonist: Blatant.

[prophet sez: He actually has some VERY risque things to add as well but he's a coward so he won't say it here. Funny will probably get to it.]

Lavie Rhap’s Perspective

For the heterosexual relationships, I felt that the lack of a major plot point involving romances was a detriment, on terms of having a ‘love story’. Persona 3‘s Yukari and Aigis especially stand out; Elizabeth’s departure from the Velvet Room also stays with me. Persona 4 was more friendship-based, so I found it difficult to imagine ‘proper’ romances. Perhaps it was only me, but I saw much of our own interactions; to inexpertly shove a hackneyed ‘epic’ romance into Persona 4 would be folly. These are only teenagers, after all, within a period spanning one year. But since I am being pressed to provide my own interpretations on what may as well have occurred…

Naoto and Kanji are the most obvious of the pairings and provides the most humorous speculations of what may happen next in such a relationship. Yosuke and Chie‘s love-hate bickering was most enjoyable; I was reminded of Prophet and Ed (sorry, Pat!). Everything else is…rather open. I personally chose Ai to be with the main character; after all, who doesn’t want to express their true self? Blending one’s own experiences with gaming do make for a more interesting time. Now, while I can understand the undercurrent of homosexuality, only in Kanji’s case does it become pronounced. As I’ve stated before, friendship takes priority over romance in Persona 4.

Kawaii Pattycakes’ Perspective

[prophet sez: She doesn't get anything because she loves them all. ALL (with emphasis on Teddie and the Protagonist). So we'll let Funny handle this too, because as rambling as he can be, I'll make him be brief.

Oh, and she chose Naoto. "Because she's the closest to bish." Go figure.]

edthefucker’s Perspective

That cousin and that uncle, where’s the hentai for that shit? FUCKIN’ A. [prophet/Pat/funny sez: DIE.]

Killer Ink’s Perspective

I haven’t played it. I’m not going to. [prophet/Pat/funny sez: LOSER.]

funny_bunny’s Perspective

I wholeheartedly agree with nde! On the straight dealies, that is. Permit me to elaborate! Ok, see, Rise and the Protagonist are PERFECT for each other because they’ll meet again MUCH easier! Yes, absence makes the heart grow fonder, but what of the star-crossed love of a STAR and a COMMONER? But of course, the TRUE LOVE is that between the Protagonist and…IZANAMI.

Fufufu, but can I neglect the HOMOEROTIC FUN? Nay, I shant…for I declare: ALL MALE SOCIAL LINKS ARE FILLED WITH SEXY.

prettyprophet’s Perspective

The Protagonist of P4 is a total player. That said, my view on all this is more or less a mix of everyone else’s views. Even though the ‘love’ deal is a pretty big part of this game, it’s not; friendship, motherfuckers. Out of everyone, there is no ‘this is our destiny’ sorta shit. There’s just a whole lotta implied and ‘up-to-your-imagination’. I’m still going to put P4 above P3 because P3 played more to the stock types: Yukari = normal girl, Mitsuru = regal girl, Fuuka = gentle girl, Aigis = robot girl. Like, face it, P3′s social links were all, “The fuck am I doing talking to this guy?” P4 got around this by having fewer non-essentials (Death link I’m not convinced on) and my personal favorite link, the Hanged Man. It wasn’t just some random person; Naoki was and will be affected by you, the player. Now I’m not saying the P4 characters weren’t all types…but we were technically getting two characters for every one: shadows, yo. Look at Kanji: he’s a tough guy and a softie. Or Sayoko, crazy pervert nurse that’s actually dedicated to her work. See? I’m not going to declare this the most realistic game since…Cho Aniki, but the characters are at least more believable. I will say this though: this is NOT the second coming of Christ for videogame characters. Just because they have shadow sides doesn’t make P4 the equivalent of Godfather; hell, it’s not even Fight Club. People have more than just a shadow. A lot more. Remember that shit.

All in all, I was very happy with P4 and I would seriously like to see doujinshi for every single pairing. Again, no bullshit pairings, just actual, ‘this is what may as well have happened’ pairings, like the Protagonist with…practically everyone. I will disagree with nde, Lavie, Pat, Funny…Chie and Yosuke don’t work. Friends yeah, sexing each other up? I can’t see it. Besides, we all know that Yosuke’s had that thing for Saki, even if she never would’ve reciprocated. Naoto and Kanji are a given. But Lavie’s right, it’s all so open. And for the gay POV? Trojan finally got far enough to say something and here are his words of wisdom: “Hey, you know I love Ted…and Daisuke and Kou? Threesome time! But I liked the one with Naoki best. That was pretty sweet.” Word up. I don’t feel the sexual myself in that one, but I can understand it.

I ended up pairing together Yukiko and the Protagonist because…well, I got to see Naoto’s and Rise’s thanks to Pat and Funny. No one was doing Yukiko, so I was like, what the fuck, she’s cool. I think she’s the only girl character where the Protagonist actually gets to spend time alone with in story-related cutscenes…ok, maybe I’m mixing it up with social links, but I figure these two have the most potential for a long-term relationship. But ultimately…I’m going to have to go with Funny and restate the Protagonist x Izanami connection. Well…that’s kinda TOO poetic, so fuck it.

So there, that’s how we feel about a good number of the P4 relationships. I know, we didn’t touch on everything. GO YELL ABOUT IT ON OUR FORUMS AKA THE REVOLUTION. Hey Atlus, next Persona, give us girl protagonists! Don’t you think it’s our turn to shop for some love? BRING ON THE BOYS.

All images from BE YOUR TRUE MIND.

So here we are with our set of awards: The Respectable Rabbit Rewards…the Pleinnies. As always, our judgment bears hefty weight and surpasses all other critics by leaps and bounds. There ARE some notable exclusions that aren’t even mentioned: LittleBigPlanet…and basically anything that was 360 only. None of the Thousand Rabbits have a 360. Deal with it. Some things we just didn’t get a chance to play much…and the rest we just didn’t give a fuck about. Again, deal. Anyways, let’s set it off.

++++++

Most Fuckable Female; Not Love, but Fuck

edthefucker: That what’s-that-bitch’s-name from that ocean shit. Had that lifejacket. Definitely a fucking closet freak. Dolphin fucker fo sho. [Endless Ocean]

Kawaii Pattycakes: DR. NAOMI. DR. NAOMI. DR. NAOMI. [No More Heroes]

Killer Ink: Wouldn’t know.

funny_bunny: ROSIE. God, I HEART YOU ROSIE! All that running around must give you SUCH a toned body! You can blitz me any day~ [Valkyria Chronicles]

Lavie Rhap: I assume we must choose new characters, or at the very least, re-imagining of old characters, making the cast of Super Smash Bros. Brawl disqualified by default. I’ll have to go with Lea Nichols. But that makes me sound like some sort of creepy voyeur, doesn’t it? [The Experiment]

nde: I don’t know.

prettyprophet: Well, this is a hard choice purely because there’s been so many games where you DO FUCK other characters: Tree of Tranquility, P4. Therefore they’re obviously fuckable. I can’t do the obvious; that’s such a cop-out. Most fuckable of 2008: Sylvia Christel, that fucking loon. [No More Heroes]

1000 Rabbit Consensus: The ladies of No More Heroes.

++++++

Most Fuckable Male; Not Love, but Fuck

edthefucker: That fucking bitch cousin in GTA . Fuck him. [Grand Theft Auto IV]

Kawaii Pattycakes: TEDDIE. TEDDIE. TEDDIE. [Persona 4]

Killer Ink: Wouldn’t know.

funny_bunny: I want to get inside Teddie and grope his stuffing out. [Persona 4]

Lavie Rhap: Kanji Tatsumi. While Teddie’s winning charm is understandable and has consumed several Rabbits, I find Kanji’s blending of embarrassment and bluster very endearing. Kanji, let’s talk again in a few years, ok? [Persona 4]

nde: I don’t know.

prettyprophet: Mao. That kid needs a good fucking. [Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice]

1000 Rabbit Consensus: The boys of Persona 4.

++++++

Most Fan-Fantasy Friendly

1000 Rabbit Consensus: Not only is there no argument but there’s also no other alternatives. It’s Persona-fucking-4. Does ANYTHING surpass the overall good will possessed by this semi-dating-sim? You’ve got Yosuke x Chie, Yukiko x Teddie, Kanji x Naoto, main character x anyone, schoolgirl idols, lolipop cousins (ain’t that great, you incest-loving fucks?), rugged detective uncles (EVEN BETTER INCEST), neglected mothers, devilish nurses, the Strength threesome, the ever-hot Margaret, and MORE. It’d be easy to blame Pat, Ed, and Funny for infesting our minds with filth, but seriously, those developers? They fucking knew what they were doing. They knew.

++++++

Most Wanted to Drown in the Depths of Obscurity So We Don’t Have to Hear Anymore Idiotic Fan Arguments/Masturbation Sessions

edthefucker: Persona 4. Jesus, shut the fuck up.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Fallout 3 is GROSS.

Killer Ink: Left 4 Dead.

funny_bunny: Persona 4! Like, get over it, YOU MEGATEN LOSERS.

Lavie Rhap: Frankly, no fanbase for specific games bothers me. Console discussion is more upsetting.

nde: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots.

prettyprophet: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. Ew.

1000 Rabbit Consensus: Persona 4. Look Atlus, where’s the fucking SHIN MEGAMI TENSEI IV? Don’t go pulling a “let’s wait until the next generation for the next core series release” shit. Oh also, MGS4 never ceases to piss us off.

++++++

Most Likely to Transplant Self Into

edthefucker: Valkyria Chronicles. Show you how to do a genocide right.

Kawaii Pattycakes: PERSONA 4 means LOTS OF SEXY SHOUNEN.

Killer Ink: I’d like to do paintings of sea life one day. So Endless Ocean.

funny_bunny: Siren: Blood Curse: so I can FIGHT ZOMBIES and EAT MEATLOAF.

Lavie Rhap: Farming in Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility. Ah, the pastoral life!

nde: Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility. City suffocates.

prettyprophet: Romance of the Three Kingdoms XI. I made myself in it and I’m a general of Wei. Fuck, if only I could do a coup…

1000 Rabbit Consensus: Technically the Thousand Rabbits have already been put into three games: Etrian Odyssey 2: Heroes of Lagaard, Romance of the Three Kingdoms XI, and Valhalla Knights 2. But for flavor’s sake, we all would fit into Persona 4…probably even more than Persona 3. Funny’s definitely Teddie, Pat’s Rise, Ed’s the TRUE KILLER, Ink’s Naoto, Lavie’s Margaret, nde’s the main character again, and I, prophet, would probably end up taking Chie’s role. You know, we’ve actually designated Funbuns’ name as the main character’s due to his hair, only for that idiot to have it cut. Funny, you fucked it up and now the main character LOOKS LIKE NOBODY.

++++++

Most Educational Game That Can Be Applied to Our Daily Lives

edthefucker: Spore shows that there’s no god. Hey Christfuckers, suck on those nuts.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Persona 4 taught me to be smart and diligent and understanding and expressive and brave! Then everyone likes you and wants to CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Killer Ink: As Persona 4 displays, even Shadows can gain souls.

funny_bunny: I learned to be responsible and family-ness in Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility. Then I learned that we must cross blades on the STAGE OF HISTORY. Then I learned that THE SHADOW SELF MUST BE ACCEPTED.

Lavie Rhap: I found through Left 4 Dead that our teamwork needs dire improving.

nde: Sharks and eels won’t attack you in Endless Ocean.

prettyprophet: Valkyria Chronicles, as far as I can tell, is the only game to make a blatant comparison with the Holocaust. Guys, let’s start making games that deal with racism in a less clumsy way.

1000 Rabbit Consensus: Persona 4. Who hasn’t dealt with their dark side? Check this shit out, you face your other self and boom, you’ll be able to summon demons, solve murder-mysteries, and score with a ton of people who barely know you.

++++++

Most Disappointing Game That We Knew Would Be Disappointing

edthefucker: Persona 4 is shit just like Persona 3. It’s all mainstream bullshit. Fuck those bitches.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Fallout 3? THAT’S AN INSULT TO RPGS.

Killer Ink: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. Epic, sure. Like Michael Bay.

funny_bunny: Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King…WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER TO LISTEN TO PAT??? THAT FIEND.

Lavie Rhap: I was interested in Fallout 3 but at the same time quite wary. By the time I paid attention to it again, it had been released for a month. All in all, a lukewarm experience.

nde: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots.

prettyprophet: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. Man, Hayter, you must have been pissed to deal with all that shit.

1000 Rabbit Consensus: Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots sucked because it was an over-indulgent by-the-numbers wrap-up. Art? Fuck you. Oh ok, let us make some fifteen minute cutscenes of silted action where nothing really happens and when stuff does happen you feel so goddamn impotent, not because you’re a decrepit geezer, but because the game just won’t let you put a bullet in Ocelot’s head since he has to keep talking and make stupid gestures. We had a feeling all this would happen and lo, it fucking did. Were any of us surprised? Hey, the ending sure was a surprise. They found a way to drag it out even longer and that was UNCANNY. Bravo.

++++++

Most Disappointing Game That Sucker Punched Us in the Solar Plexus

edthefucker: None. It’s all shit.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice. MAO CANNOT COMPARE TO LAHARL. And I hate his glasses!

Killer Ink: Baroque. Too clumsy.

funny_bunny: Dokapon Kingdom: IT WAS SUPPOSED TO DESTROY FRIENDSHIPS. BUT IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO SLOW. Destroyed patience!

Lavie Rhap: I’d have to say Spore due to how simplistic everything before the space era felt. Things also become monotonous rather quickly if one does not develop non-in-game goals.

nde: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney. I wasn’t really surprised though.

prettyprophet: Harvest Moon: Island of Happiness. Seriously could not play it. Fuck that stylus.

1000 Rabbit Consensus: Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Hey, none of us were expecting a new game; fighters are probably the least likely to go through any major changes. It’s just that for all the delays…it wasn’t enough. But it’s still the group game of choice and the cutscenes in it beat the piss out of MGS4.

+++++

Most Awesome Game That We Knew Would be Awesome

edthefucker: None. It’s all shit.

Kawaii Pattycakes: PERSONA 4.

Killer Ink: Persona 4.

funny_bunny: Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh………………..FINAL FANTASY CRYSTAL CHRONICLES: RING OF FATES.

Lavie Rhap: Personally, due to the sheer audience good-will, Persona 4 would be my choice. However, I simply cannot ignore Sins of a Solar Empire, which is my strategy, as well as overall, game of the year.

nde: I liked Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility but since there were bugs, I’m going Persona 4. But in truth, bugs were expected.

prettyprophet: Valkyria Chronicles. Yeah, I don’t think I need to pimp out P4 anymore so here’s to Squad 7.

1000 Rabbit Consensus: Valkyria Chronicles. Whoa, what the fuck? Not P4? Nah, fuck that, it’s a sequel. We’re going to reward some originality here; from SEGA, thank the fucking Moon Rabbit. C’mon guys, with HotD: Overkill and a SHINING SRPG…DON’T FUCK IT UP. Anyways, Valkyria. Persona. Get both or fuck off.

++++++

Most Awesome Game That Was Totally Inconceivable

edthefucker: None. It’s all shit.

Kawaii Pattycakes: Left 4 Dead I really liked! BUT I DON’T PLAY FPS??

Killer Ink: Audiosurf. Addictive.

funny_bunny: Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core! Playing it was FUN. DIDN’T LIKE ANYTHING ELSE LIKE THAT BASTARD SEPHIROTH OR GACKT-FACE. Nonetheless, moi liked a FF game?? WORLD’S END IS NIGH.

Lavie Rhap: I didn’t know a thing about Theresia and I’m very glad I didn’t. Should be rather cheap compared to other DS titles; get it without reading any reviews!

nde: Prince of Persia. Reminds me of ICO.

prettyprophet: The World Ends With You…HOLY SHIT. A SQUARE GAME. Yeah, that’s fucking right. No playa hate here, it’s all about the games.

1000 Rabbit Consensus: Persona 4. To be completely honest, none of us expected this to be on par with P3. Rush-job to play off the fans. We were wrong and it made P3 look like crap. Props yo.

++++++

Blah blah, here’s the usual list of awards:

Best Action: Prince of Persia
Best FPS: Left 4 Dead
Best Light-Gun: The House of the Dead 2 & 3 Return
Best Shooter: (none of us played Space Invaders Get Even yet but let’s just assume it’s awesome)
Best Platformer: Bionic Commando Rearmed
Best Sandbox: Yakuza 2
Best Fighter: Soul Calibur IV
Best Adventure: A Vampyre Story
Best RTS: Sins of a Solar Empire
Best RPG: Persona 4
Best Turn-based: Valkyria Chronicles
Best MMO: Shin Megami Tensei: IMAGINE (default win due to none of us playing new MMOs)
Best Racer: Need for Speed: Undercover (default win, only one all of us played; PS: it’s shit)
Best Sports: Wii Fit (default win, also shit)
Best Scary Shit: Theresia
Best Rhythm: Patapon
Best Sim: Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility
Best Visual Novel: (Funny: BOLLOCKS TO THAT)
Best Puzzle: Professor Layton and the Curious Village

Best Visuals: Valkyria Chronicles – Sega
Best Concept Art: Persona 4 – Shigenori Soejima <-head over to DOKUGANRYU
Best Music: Persona 4 – Shoji Meguro
Best Story: Persona 4 – Atlus
Best Portable: Newest DJ Max!
Best Co-op: Left 4 Dead – Valve
Best Co-hate: Super Smash Bros. Brawl – Nintendo
Best Zen: Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility – Natume
Best Fan-translation: Eternal Punishment 2: Innocent Sin

Best Character of 2008: Persona 4′s Teddie, voiced by Dave Wittenberg

Best Game of 2008: Valkyria Chronicles

++++++

And there you have it. Feel free to argue with us all you want; we probably won’t listen.

*Images from Be Your True Mind, Danbooru, and Google.