The Big Sleep

Name: Hagumi Hanamoto
Series: Honey & Clover
Sculptor: Kobayashi Shin (Long Long)
Maker: Alter
Figure Type: 1/8 scale PVC
First Release: June 2007
Purchase Price: $60
Purchased From: HLJ

The grass is wet. Green. Unspoiled. This isn’t a place for man but here he is, arm’s length away from a girl. A fresh one; she’s no duchess, that’s for sure. A toadstool like an adolescent’s phallus, complete with a drip of tiny bird on top. Makes him a bit sick, thinking about what might just happen next.

It was a week back and all he had was the drink. He was hungry. Course he was, otherwise he wouldn’t have taken the job. Must be how old folks feel once the world stops giving a shit about them. Phone rang. He listened. Shouldn’t have. But he did.

“You’re a detective?” The kid was young. Didn’t like him. “Hattie’s Diner. We’ll talk there.”

Hattie’s is a bad place in a bad area. You don’t go there to eat. You go there to talk. And the talk is always bad.

Advice from a Caterpillar

Who Stole the Tarts?

The kid was already there. Outside, waiting.

“You’re fucking late. You’re a detective? You look like you just got off your ma’s teats.”


“Fuck you. Here’s the photos.”


“Fuck you. We’re talking out here. You think you’re hot shit? That why you don’t got any work? I’d tell you to sell your ass but you look like you’ve already been ’round the block.”

He looked through. Another girl. “Who’s paying?”

“Fuck you, that’s who.”

“The Colonel.”

“Heh, guess you’re smarter than you look. Now, just find the girl.”

“No.” He walked away.

“Double the usual.” said the kid. He stopped.

Red Harvest

The Dain Curse

Wouldn’t be hard to find her. Just another one of the Colonel’s girls. That’s what he thought. He was wrong. She was different. No one seen her. No one knew her. Word said she was some sort of artist. Never did understand art. So he talked to someone who did.

“Dame like that? Ain’t city. Check those eyes. Doesn’t seem the type to fuck and go. This for a case, right?”

He drove out 30 miles, out to Coen’s Crossing. Never been there in the spring.

The Pool of Tears

The Mad Tea Party

The girl hasn’t noticed him yet. She’s got a leaf for an umbrella. It’s not raining yet.

“Excuse me.” She turns. Photos can’t do reality justice. “The Colonel wants you back.”

There’s no change in expression. Maybe a tilt of her head, like a kitten. “You don’t know him?”

The bird hops around. Still not agitated. He wondered how he should tell the kid he lost her, that he wouldn’t work for the Colonel ever again when a child with rabbit ears clubbed him in the back.

“Ohoho! Is the flamingo not an excellent blunt instrument? Of course it is. But as a leaf sounds like sheath, mayhaps it feels the same as well? My dear, I applaud your choice in arms! But that is a lie; how can I applaud when my hands are filled with pink? And you cannot applaud yourself, not with those precious hands grasped together like that! I daresay a filthy mind would translate your actions into something more unsavory but then again, I dare not. Then let our feathered friend sitting there applaud for us! But how can he applaud; he has no hands! Stamping of his feet then, which we could do ourselves, making his presence completely unnecessary unless one is an aesthete; after all, we are artists, are we not? Surely we are! Do we not have flowers in our hair? And flour is nourishment; that is why people should eat cake. Ah, cake, filler of bellies…but not the soul. No, only the artist can provide such enrichment! Sadly, the artist is never rich; the rich are never artists. Money makes one safe from harm/No need for suffering and sadness/Makes one stay on the farm/Because banality is happiness! But that’s not correct either! Have you watched Gossip Girl? Always affluent angsty Anglos! And I have no doubt about thy own bitter and beautiful world; or have thou not sunk thy teeth into such meate? Ha! Bewitching angel, come take a journey with Yours Truly, and we shall slake our intellectual lusts! Off into the Rabbit Hole we go!”

Dead Yellow Women

The Mock Turtle's Story

The Lady in the Lake

Down the Rabbit Hole

Farewell, My Lovely

He rises out of the blackness and calls the kid.


“She’s in wonderland.”

And he hangs up.


And here, have an ACTUAL review of hot-stuff Hagu!

funny_bunny dressed up like Philip Marlowe and the March Hare during the writing of this post. Will dress up like Deidara next when he creates a 2D-sprite-based Naruto x Wuthering Heights shoot-em-up.

Aerith’s Bitch burnt an effigy of funny_bunny for making unwholesome comments about Hagu. Thanks super rats for tutorials that have enhanced his life in over a thousand ways